Hello all,
I feel like I left rather abruptly last time. The last time I posted it was admittedly a retrospective look back on my time through Iran. Also, I've had the urge to write again so wanted to fill you in on what happened next. My time in Iran was a truly eye-opening place, I don't think I'd ever met people like that or been in deserts and mountains so harsh before so when I did finally run out land and boarded that knackered old boat to Dubai I was spent. Mentally and physically. In all honesty I was numb, not happy not sad, just exhausted. All I could think about was getting to Dubai and the next step to India. Oh and Christmas. And a pint. And a bed. And cheese... And....
So this is where I left you, but what happened next?
Let me take you back...picture an orange sun-rise, casting silhouettes across a skyline above. I woke from my ferry slumber - the good men on board had given me special service and gave me two breakfasts (think they knew I was coming). Full with eggs, I stared out smiling as we docked into port. Here was Dubai, in all it's extravagant glory.
In my defence, the boat was rolling a bit ok..
I made it through the port customs without much trouble. On the other side it was like a new world. Men in shorts! I'm not a trousers man, and certainly not in 40 degree heat. So I wheeled my bike round the corner, whacked out the legs, got into my least soiled clothes and excitedly pedalled away. Where, I had, no idea, but at least in Dubai you can always follow that big building over there.
Pretty awesome
Now, I thought I was going to hate Dubai. All fakery, opulence and manufactured lifestyles. I'd expected that after my quest for enlightenment, I would have cast aside all modern trappings and the word "serendipity" scrawled across my chest in Sanskrit. But, actually all I craved was comfort and a little bit of home. So I headed straight down the the main super highway and rolled into the nearest costa coffee. With a pint of coffee and an almond croissant, I was in heaven. If it wasn't for general sweatiness I could've easily felt like I was back in the Home Counties. In fact, this is exactly like home!
I'd planned to meet my ex's brother, who'd offered his place. I had 3 days before I flew to India and I planned to sit in a room with wifi, drink coffee and do nothing. But he had other ideas...
"Ben man! This is crazy! You gotta tell people about this, it's a big deal out here!" (He had a Swedish American accent FYI). I was nodding whilst eating a steak, not listening, but with this he took upon himself to alert the whole Gulf that I'd arrived.
The next morning I was outside cleaning my bike and he shoved a phone in my ear. "It's the National. They wanna talk to you"... "Uhh, hello? Yep, this is Ben". So I recounted the last 4 months to this guy down the phone whilst scraping sand out of my chain.
Who says men can't multitask? Here's my baby after a good going over
They wanted to meet me somewhere for a photo shoot. Eh? Are you serious? But apparently they were. So I asked my host Daniel where we should meet. He suggested The Hilton because they do a good buffet. So I followed Daniel across town, traversed a 16 lane highway and pedalled furiously struggling to catch his Porsche. He parked up, I sweated next to him, and we both walked off towards the hotel. Him in tight Miami shorts, muscle top and wrap arounds, me in filthy Lycra and torn trousers. We did the shoot, I cycled around again trying to look like I wasn't cycling around a car park, and we left. Daniel was furious we didn't get a buffet...
I left him, time to sit and chill. Whilst visiting another chain coffee shop I got a call from Daniel again. "Yep? TV? Oo I'm not so sure... What tonight? But what am I gonna say?...Alright ye go on..". I had to call a guy called Ray at Dubai One, the country's biggest channel. They wanted me on Dubai's answer to the "One Show" in a couple of hours. First thought I had to send him an email with all the fun, crrrazy and whacky stuff that happened to me. So I sent him that email, complete with dogs, beans, and going nuts in my tent.
Daniel and I (by now my hard-hitting media agent) arrived at the studios, me still in sweaty clothes. "But Daniel, I don't have any socks on, I can't do this!" "Sure you can, they'll love it!". So we walked him with my bike, they sat us both down behind the camera, and the producer briefed me on what I could and couldn't say. Apparently nothing about the existence of Iran. Ye sure, thanks, there goes half my stories. All the while Daniel was scanning the bevy of beautiful fashion models lined up in the corner. "Oh and one more thing, Ben - are your trousers held up by string?" "Yes, that's right Ray.", "Ha! I love it!"
So I sat waiting, watching the bedlam around me, Daniel coaching me in my ear. I was nervous but also not. I just thought, well if meltdown on that sofa and have another Turkish TV debacle, then I can bury it with all the my other media forays and nobody needs see it. Sod it, I'm gonna do this! So they sat me down, I shook the hands of the cheesy presenters who until now had been flying around trying to get himself PUMPED by launching lollipops at people even thought they didn't want them.
And we're on air in 5, 4, 3, (silent) 2, 1. "Welcome back, and tonight we're going to meet a man who's cycled here tonight from the UK. Ben Smith, thanks for joining us." And the rest... Well I can't really remember, it just happened. All I can recall is the bright lights and being conscious that the camera could see the bean juice down the front of my shirt.
Dead man walking. This was the moment it really dawned on me.
We got back home, and I was welcomed by Daniel's family who were hanging out the door. "It was amazing!" "Really?", "Yeah, we all watched it, and we recorded it". So I watched it back on an 80 inch projector screen with cinema surround sound. And all I could think was "wow, am I really that posh?". But actually it went alright, In fact I loved it. Maybe a career in front of the camera beckons. The next time though I will definitely remember socks.
If you would like to read or see and of these ridiculous things then here they are. My 5 minutes of fame. Once in a lifetime stuff, that's for sure...
http://www.khaleejtimes.com/kt-article-display-1.asp?xfile=data%2Fnationgeneral%2F2013%2FDecember%2Fnationgeneral_December172.xml§ion=nationgeneral
http://www.thenational.ae/uae/tourism/briton-cycles-8-000km-from-london-to-dubai-for-charity
http://vod.dmi.ae/media/244856/Studio_One_Season_4_19_12_2013
From here I boarded a flight from Dubai to India on 21st December. Christmas was coming, and I couldn't wait!
....Oh and it wasn't all hard work ;)
